


Absence...

by owlaholic68



Category: Monster of the Week (Tabletop RPG), Original Work
Genre: ?? idk how to tag their relationship anymore but Jacques is definitely being a manipulative shit, Emotional Manipulation, James has had ENOUGH, M/M, Minor Abusive Relationship Vibes?, Missing Scene, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:28:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23185531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/owlaholic68/pseuds/owlaholic68
Summary: James is finally alone.Before Jacques dies but after James leaves him.
Relationships: James/Jacques, Original Male Character/Original Male Character
Kudos: 4





	Absence...

James’ hands are trembling as he hugs Jacques and gives him a kiss goodbye. He resists the urge to cry. There’s a heavy feeling in his chest and he fears this will be the last time he sees his husband. The last time he kisses him.

He musters a smile and goes into Sonya’s bookstore. Shuts the door and doesn’t look back. Walks back to the Panic Room and all but collapses onto a chair, dropping his heavy bags on the floor. He’d packed whatever clothing he could as well as a small supply of blood.

He’s alone. Finally alone.

Sonya leaves him to go back upstairs – Jacques sounds like he’s trying to break down the door. But he can’t come in – he can’t get in here.

James curls up in the chair and doesn’t realize he’s crying until Sonya comes back. He pulls himself together to text Jacques to leave him alone. Reassures him that he is okay but he just needs some space.

He does not get a response. Sonya comes back down and says that Jacques had left.

Is that a good thing or a bad thing? James paces until his knees weaken and he curls up on the Panic Room’s comfortable couch. Wraps a blanket around himself to try to stop his shaking, though he knows it’s not from cold.

* * *

The radio silence from Jacques does not last long.

James’ phone starts ringing about twenty minutes after Jacques had left. It’s Jacques. He ignores it and lets it go to voicemail. Then another call. And another, another, until his phone doesn’t stop ringing.

Jacques only pauses to send him increasingly frantic texts. James tries not to read them.

He eventually mutes his phone and turns it over so he can’t see the constant activity.

“I – I’m such a coward,” he whispers to himself. “I should just answer and – and give him a piece of my mind.”

His hand hovers over the phone. He pulls it back. That will do no good. Jacques will not listen right now – he’s already proved that he is not willing to listen.

He still wallows in guilt – shame at just running away. He always does that, he never faces people directly, he’s never confronted anybody about anything in his whole life. He’s pathetic and weak and – and utterly useless without Jacques, he doesn’t have the slightest idea what to do now that he’s on his own.

And he can’t do this. James buries his head in a pillow and has a deep fit of hysterics for what feels like an hour.

He finally turns over his phone. He might as well know what he’s dealing with. He has more than fifty missed calls from Jacques, at least sixty texts. Plus a handful of calls from his sisters, and one from Stacey.

Stacey at least he can call. That won’t hurt.

She picks up right away. “Hello, James.”

“H-Hi Stacey.” James almost weeps from being able to talk to another person. “I – I’m fine, so you can – you can tell Jacques to lay off.”

“I’ll do my best,” she promises. “You’re still at Sonya’s?”

“Yes. She – she’s being so kind letting me stay here. But – but I don’t know what to do, Stacey, I – I can’t stay here forever.” He swallows hard. “H-How is he?”

She sighs. “He’s beside himself. But he hasn’t done anything drastic yet. Hurt a couple people but nobody killed, burnt down a couple of things but nothing occupied. He – he’s not doing well, James.” She sighs again and sounds exhausted. “How long do you plan to do this?”

“As long as I need to.”

“Then I wish you good luck. And – and I’m proud of you, James. I know this wasn’t easy.”

“Thank you, Stacey. I’ll keep in touch.” James hangs up the phone and, feeling brave, decides to listen to Jacques’ most recent voicemail.

He shouldn’t have felt so brave. He knew it was a mistake to do it.

Jacques starts the voicemail sobbing.

James pulls his knees up and buries his head, crying again now. Jacques sounds broken.

“You’re _killing_ me,” Jacques whispers. His voice sounds hoarse like he’s been screaming. He probably has been. “I – I can’t breathe, I – I don’t _understand_ why you’re doing this, just come home – just come back to me, darling, please.” He pauses to cry some more. “I don’t know what I did but I’ll fix it, James sweetheart, I – I promise I’ll fix it. I love you, I – I love you so much, I’ll do anything to fix this if you just come home. I promise I won’t do it again, whatever I did, I promise I’ll fix it – I will, James, I will, give me a chance! Please-”

The voicemail cuts off.

Carried by some kind of sick self-punishment, James goes to the next one.

Jacques isn’t even coherent in the next voicemail, nor the next. James can hardly make out any words, just constant begging.

There is one message where he is angry. “Why the fuck are you _doing_ this to me?” Jacques screams in fury. Something in the background shatters. “I love you and I thought you loved me – don’t you? If you loved me, why. Are. You. _Doing. This. To. Me!”_ Each word punctuated by another crash. James flinches at each one. He knows his husband has a temper but he has never had to face it himself.

But he deserves to face it now.

* * *

James is alone again and pacing. The middle of the night, Sonya gone home.

“I – I don’t need anybody,” he quietly says to himself. “I’m fine – I’m just fine on my own.”

He pauses to clench his shaking hands into fists. Lifts his chin and blinks quickly to try to hold back tears. More tears, more crying, it feels like he hasn’t stopped crying in weeks.

His phone buzzes. James watches it ring. Jacques is calling again. He doesn’t pick up. He’s been deleting all the voicemails and messages.

“I am independent and – and I need to stand up for myself,” James says. Wipes away a few tears that had slipped free. “This – this whole thing isn’t my fault, I’m not – I’m not responsible for his actions or his temper, it – it’s not my fault, none of this is my fault.”

His phone quiets, then rings again. James lets it ring and ring. He doesn’t delete this voicemail. Instead, he’ll listen to it. On one hand he doesn’t want to, on the other it’s the least he can do. Jacques at least deserves to be listened to.

It’s been less than twelve hours. It feels like it’s been days like this. James plays the voicemail, still pacing.

“James darling, my eternal dearest, you know I love you, right?” Jacques doesn’t sound angry in this message. He sounds resigned, tired, despondent. “Sweetie, I’ll do anything to – to make you believe that. You don’t believe that, I guess, that’s why you’re doing this.” He heavily sighs. “You don’t believe that – that I really love you. Have I done something wrong to make you think this? What have I done? James, please: I don’t understand. I don’t _understand_ what I did, I don’t understand!”

He sniffles and James wipes away tears of his own.

“Just call me back,” Jacques finishes. “Please. I said I’d give you space, but…” he trails off and sniffs again. “But I can’t, darling, you know I can’t. I can’t. I just can’t anymore and – and I don’t know what I’ll do without you, I _need_ you here with me, don’t you understand-”

The message abruptly cuts off.

* * *

More messages. James listens to them all now, overcome by guilt and curiosity.

He finally takes pity. He’s always been too weak.

The phone barely rings for a second before Jacques picks up.

“James?” He’s breathless, voice rough. “James, darling-”

“Don’t,” James snaps. “I didn’t call to – to listen to you beg. I called to give you a piece of my mind.” He takes a deep breath. Jacques doesn’t interrupt. “J-Jacques, this is exhausting me. But I will not give up. I will not give in just because you cry. I – I will not even give in if you burn down this whole city, so – so don’t you dare try. I want you to apologize, Jacques, but most – but most importantly, I want you to _change.”_

“I will,” he promises. The problem is that he _always_ promises but he _never_ actually changes. “I will, sweetheart, I will – I’ll change, I’ll do anything. I’ll be however you want me to be if – if only you’d come home to me. Whatever you want, James dearest, whatever you want!” He pauses to sigh. “What did I do? I don’t understand, I – I thought I was making you happy, I only want you to be happy.”

That’s the most infuriating part – he doesn’t even realize that he was making James very unhappy. “You. Don’t. Understand.” He starts pacing. Agitated. “Jacques, I – I’m not some fairytale princess happy with being locked up in a tower. I am my own person and being attached to you constantly was driving me – was driving me into – I don’t know, Jacques, it was upsetting me terribly.”

“But I was trying to keep you safe-”

“Stop that!” James snaps. “No you weren’t, you were trying to control me to make yourself feel better! You’re not some noble Knight protecting me, Jacques, you’re the damn dragon that locked me up in the first place!”

Jacques is a loud crier. Unlike James, who tends to hide, he immediately turns to hysterics and dramatic gasping sobs. Like he’s doing now. It works, it always works to make James change his mind.

It won’t work now. It won’t.

“You’re _hurting_ me,” Jacques blubbers.

“I’m hurting you? _I_ am the one hurting _you?_ Are you – are you _insane,_ Jacques?” James collapses on a chair and resists the urge to throw the phone. “You’re the one hurting _me,_ so – so don’t even try that nonsense. If I’m hurting you, it’s because I – I feel like I don’t even know you anymore! You – you’re not the man I married, Jacques, you’re not the man I love!”

Jacques’ crying ratchets up to wailing.

“My husband was kind and sweet and – and he respected me!” James doesn’t even care anymore. He’s numb to Jacques’ pathetic crybaby act now – he’s had to deal with it too long. “The Jacques that I love was – he was gentle and he listened and he cared for me and – and he didn't do the things you do!” James wipes away tears of his own. He thought he was all dried up from crying, but with him there’s always more to be had.

“James, p-please…”

James clenches his fists and closes his eyes. “You _need_ me so much, but – but I don’t need you. I will last however long it takes. I – I will not speak to you again until you apologize. _Properly_ apologize, Jacques, not the – not the placating bullshit that I normally accept as good enough. I – I’m not doing that this time. I will be listening to your messages but I will not respond until I am satisfied.”

“No, n-no, James, you – you can’t do this to me-”

“G-Goodbye, Jacques.”

James hangs up.

His husband immediately calls back. James does not pick up. He turns his phone off.

Takes Sonya’s suggestion to learn to knit. His hands are shaking too badly so he picks some scrap yarn to mess up until he can steady himself.

It’s a mess. He’s a mess. He picks apart the yarn and starts over. Takes it apart and starts over again when it’s still a mess. Patience.

It eventually neatens. Works itself out.

This will too. All James has to do is hold out. This will resolve sooner or later, he just hopes sooner. He is prepared to wait as long as is necessary. Even if it takes a year. Even if it ends in-

No, he won’t think about those options. That will only upset him and he needs to stay strong now.

He has to undo his last row of knitting. Too anxious. He redoes it better. Continues knitting through the rest of the night. Listens to Jacques screaming in voicemails, begging James to have mercy and love him again.

James cries and continues knitting.


End file.
